;D

2012-02-17T19:13:00.001+08:00

I think my life is so not happening.

Random thoughts of the day

2012-02-13T23:18:00.001+08:00

1) I don't mean eating (very good to excellent and beyond) cheese cake for dinner everyday. Seriously. Putting on weight stems from excess calories. An important lesson I've learnt! (no more uncontrolled consuming high-calorie 'health snacks' like avocado, dark chocolate and nuts in the mistaken belief that "they aid weight loss") I'm willing to eat less for breakfast and lunch AND cut down on chocolate/various snacks throughout the day for the sake of a heavenly dinner. :D here I am raving about the pleasures of eating (or more of "eating pleasurable food!") like the glutton I am. :D (yes. A glutton who eats but wants to lose weight. /:)

2) Poop, the parentheses are kind of. Annoying the hell out of me now. What used to be a form of aid in verbal using my thoughts in a somewhat coherent manner now aids in making my statements even more incoherent. They're like... Distractors, aren't that? The content between the brackets, I mean.

3) Living purely alone for the past few days (yeah. I told HYY that there isn't/wasn't any need for her to come) have really taught me many things. Namely, how to appreciate my mom and all the previous maids. I thought I 'helped out' before, with the dish washing, ironing and dry-mopping of the floor, and making my own beds.. Boy was I so wrong. Like. Call me stupid or whatever, but I didn't know how to operate the washing machine. (the actual method is simple as hell! Put detergent and press start. Lol! Wait. Is that even called detergent? Clothes detergent, right?) and uhm, discovering that dishes gone unwashed in the mere span of half a day breeds semi-foul odors.. And. Don't even mention the leaves. Please. In the future, I'm gonna live someplace AWAY FROM NATURE. No birds, no ants, no lizards, no snails, no grass, no trees, no mud. Omg. I:
Oh and the dust/dirt that collects in my house! Seriously. I have nothing to say. I hate grime. But grime is everywhere, if I were to be lazy. Lazy I will be no more!

3) I really want to wash dad's car. But I'm afraid I'll ruin it. I googled "how to wash a car" and got pretty good instructions but sadly it is almost midnight now and it is not on my agenda to wash cars late at night ..
I also really want to clear all the laundry so that mummy can come home to a sparkling clean and spanking neat house. But. Im afraid of ruining dad's expensive work shirts!!! O:

4) I want to bake carrot cake tomorrow. Since gw's cedeleDOESNT SELL IT );

5) oh mannnnnnnnn? Just realised that tomorrow is Vday. Miss those times in secondary school when all of us'd give each other chocolates, sweets, flowers and handmade cards. I miss HIHS! The lack of a love life now, however, does not deter me from appreciating the meaning behind Vday.

6) putting body butter really... Butters you up -.- I mean. INDUCES HEAT OR SMTH? It's like a protective layer. That retains heat. Pffssheesh.

7) I really shouldn't have worn my black dress #3 to work today. It's too short, figure hugging, it kept riding up my butt, and.. It just attracts the wrong kind of attention. Sad to say but I felt SLUTTY in the office. Like i was about to go clubbing right after work. Wtfextremelyuncomfortable situation. Couldn't sit properly too. Too used to wearing long pants! (actually I can't sit properly whenever I wear skirts or dresses, long or short. Can't as in cant do it without feeling uncomfortable!)

But the suckiest thing is?

ALL MY BLACK DRESSES ARE OF THE SIMILAR LENGTH!

Even the flare-cut ones.

Fuck my long torso. Lol.

8) Interminable wait. But yet the frequency of occurrences in between the key happenings..

I want to be....

2012-02-12T18:18:00.001+08:00

I need to make apt use of these short years
Time is an investment

At that time i must have been quite flattered

2012-02-12T10:33:00.001+08:00

But what's the use of saying it now /:
Things like those don't usually happen
They don't, presently. Period.

Heehee.
I love carrot cake like omonanomomime please. Esp chilled.

I want Cedele carrot cake!

Went to town on Friday night with belly.
I feel so swaku, haven't been there in a long long time. I guess the era during which people dressed sloppily is gone. Hahaha. Eye candy everywhere! :3

Speaking of eye candy.
We decided to visit the A&F store...
I am so intrigued, to be honest.
And not the way you probably think.
Just can't help but wonder what a loveless place the concept creates. Hahaha. Not exactly 'lust', though.

And anyway
I finally borrowed books from the library :D

2012-02-11T00:12:00.001+08:00

Everyone is getting better-looking in Singapore ;D

Soul-searching

2012-02-07T23:29:00.001+08:00

What's with the online disses on Sumiko Tan's shark fin article?
It's an opinion piece, people! No need to slaughter her for raising her views.

Qualifications and money
I need these. To make a name for myself. Dont want to rely on parents' "wealth". I mean. They aren't millionaires or anything. (did you know that Singapore has the highest concentration of millionaires in the world? 15 percent or something. Wait I'm not sure - please Google for exact figures) But yeah, you get the gist. I want to succeed with my own efforts.

But I realise that having dreams and not acting on them doesn't conclude with anything tangible

1) utter lack of leadership DEMONSTRATIONS - "potential" or "aspirations"? Insufficient.

2) I don't come from "branded schools
" - not necessarily a definite disadvantage. But still. What they look for is excellence. Esp pertinent for an average school. in a variety of permutations.

3) academically wise, nothing too spectacular. While grades are increasingly touted as insufficient ON THEIR OWN to be a reliable benchmark to judge a student's holistic well-being..... They still matter. A lot. And as you know Singapore being such a competitive country in the education realm.... ): i have nothing to be proud of, really.

4) co-curricular...? Pfffffft please. I know better than anyone else the state of and rationale behind those that I had picked/chosen :/ the naive/ignorant me of the past D:

so pessimistic huh. D:

2012-02-07T23:16:00.001+08:00

Just a personal opinion: I dont think very highly of people who turn to alcohol when they face troubles

Troubles that can be easily resolved

Through more viable and desirable
methods

What's putative and what's subjective

I really hated my sister
But now I hate my dad
For being unreasonable. For conveniently putting the blame on my sister

I don't hate without reason
Without love

Getting cliched. But it's true. That's why it's becoming so
(the notion that hate only exists when there is love, that is)

That said
I still can't accept the hostilities

Won't be seeing my brother for the next 3 years

Won't be seeing the rest of my family for the next 7 to 8 days

I seriously. Fucking. Need. A good read. Now.
Paperback please!!!!!!
Haven't read in a long time. Been saying this forever.

But he's not the one I want to see.

2012-02-07T21:56:00.001+08:00

Put a fucking demanding daughter
And an ever-relenting mother

You get a spoilt brat
And a harried woman

I can't stand by and watch. O.O

Look at previous post!!!!
Wrong guy!!!! /:

2012-02-07T19:03:00.001+08:00

WRONG GUY. :l

Unreasonable bitch.

2012-02-06T22:49:00.001+08:00

): been feeling depressed lately

Doesn't explain anything though

My bad attitude and behavior recently. Can only be attributable to one thing - lack of self-restraint

By nature, I'm relatively tolerant. Patient, even. But limits exist.
Coupled with the most lethal mix of circumstances, such limits often vanish. Or as close as they can get.
Guess something's gotta give, over time? ):

That's why the most arbitrary events can and do seem to trigger outbursts & breakdowns

But that's cause they're merely that - triggers

Things happened.
I'd like to believe that these are within my control.
But evidence (history) suggests otherwise ):

Fuck. D: I really don't want to be all superficially happy anymore. But neither this nor that works.

Grumpy old snort, impatient and intolerant

I deserve all these marks, bruises, scratches

But tell you what..
The satisfaction derived from what I did

Far, far outweighs the losses accrued from the consequences I have to bear

2012-02-05T19:10:00.001+08:00

When in a logical argument, saying "because I say so" doesn'treflect very well on you

2012-02-04T14:28:00.001+08:00

How do you react when your very close friend says something so hurtful he doesnt even realise that it hurts you

Because to him, it's the incontrovertible truth about you

But to you, it's all unsubstantiated judgements and assumptions

2012-02-04T11:32:00.001+08:00

I think my body clock is really screwed
Went to bed at 5am, woke up at 8 for work, went to bed at 3am, woke up at 11am. Thank goodness there's no Japanese class today!

Waking to a Telly blasting KBS channel is not very pleasant
I kinda get annoyed by BOTH Japanese and Korean music now. :O
Ikr, it makes no sense. At all.

Cedele's carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and walnuts is to die for. I can't get sick of it! My 'dieting' efforts are all down the drain because of it :D but I don't mind... I think it's nicer than Awfully choc's choc cake ^.^

I sort of can't wait to get to work on Monday
Perhaps because I'll be learning new stuff once more :3

I love embarking on new things

To some people, new equates to unfamiliar and by extension, hostile

To others, new things equates to fresh opportunities and widened exposure and horizons

To me, new is just an appreciated albeit transient breakage from the monotony of my real job

It's to remove some of the boredom, I guess

And!! At least learning new things and doing them requires me to utilize some level of skill

Unlike my current job which requires zero academic skill. Just adeptness and nimbleness with my hands
ie agility on the keyboard.

Unfortunately, the word "new" has its time limit too

Eventually new will become "current"

And "old"

2012-02-04T02:37:00.001+08:00

Looking out for opportunities - but not grabbing them

Defeats the very purpose

I'm someone blessed with many opportunities

And I know it has no link at all, but. I miss you ): ): just 2 days of not seeing you at all already makes my heart crumble and my soul wither *exaggerated emo*

2012-02-03T22:30:00.003+08:00

They really look alike :O

Food!

2012-02-03T12:48:00.001+08:00

My dinner yesterday consisted of banana cake, brownies and Reese's peanut butter cups

Lunch was a buffet spread for our department -_-

It was so weird ok, for me and the other 3 temps to be present that day

:l

fuck, I hate my new chair!
It's so small, I can't get comfortable in it..
Small as in, non high backed!
Rwarrrrrrrrrrrrr

My job requires zero skill, seriously.
Boo):

Overrated

2012-02-02T16:08:00.001+08:00

To me at least

2012-02-01T22:20:00.001+08:00

What am I doing

Oil is more viscous than water
Swimming in a sea of oil
Takes no less energy
But more effort
Than doing so in a sea of water

As always, making a contradiction. Haha

Sigh
Here we go again
Getting attached to no real deal
Then fading away while hoping that all will be well in the end

2012-02-01T19:20:00.001+08:00

morning: happy
now: sad

it cannot get any more simplistic than this

A sleeping monster is safe, at least.

2012-01-31T22:12:00.001+08:00

I have the loveliest shade of red (nail polish)!!!

Painted 3 coats to achieve a dark dark wine red color

It actually belongs to my mum.

Reminds me of blackberry stains.

Wheeeee! Finally a color that doesn't look weird when applied on me.

{~.~}

Darn, I keep sleeping these days

Fell asleep on the beanbag today once I reached home O:

But I realise that my work is really very uhm, light?
Except for the frickingannoying fact that I had to keep going to and fro the 1st level to the 3rd.......
Technical issues D:
Had a taste of what my colleague was supposed to be doing

Well
Anything is better than my boring job

At least I learned something new today

And it took me a freaking M O N T H to finally understand the mechanism that is the main corollary of the department

More or less.

Jealousy is really a green monster

2012-01-31T22:05:00.001+08:00

I still find it fucking ridiculous how someone at this age can be still so stubborn

Her attitude really pisses me off..!

Silent rejection of the truth does not make the ideal come true, woman

Face the fact that you're not what you think you are
Or what you'd like to be

And stop fishing for compliments
Won't get you nowhere

But maybe a bad reputation
A less-than-satisfactory impression

Drama.. Again?

2012-01-31T00:26:00.001+08:00

Watched Koizora (film) today!
I didn't cry at all

But it made me think a lot about perspectives

And the importance of silence
To let one's thoughts do its necessary roaming

Ok, im gonna wake up early to make breakfast ^.^

I shall forget about (gist), and live my own life happily. That's because I have a long way ahead of me.

Corny, but we really gotta live life to the fullest! :O

Oyasumiqtpies

Need is something very human

2012-01-30T19:27:00.001+08:00

And like all human-related entities, we can't run away from them

There are so many (man-made) assumptions in this world
Assumptions make the world go round
Because the world is built on these assumptions

Talk.about.excessive.repetition

Hajime.

2012-01-30T19:18:00.001+08:00

Sigh! Today I did what I regretted doing before, but what I don't regret anymore. I did it likeabossyo.
But when I sneaked a peek, I saw the very thing I wished I would have seen
Well, not quite
But, close
Very close
Too close
And that just made the regret bloom like a flowering wound all over again

Oh-Kay, why am I being like this!
D:
Boo. I just wish I was her. (I can't even attach a face to this female, for I have never met her or known how she looks like. Or her name.)

See, immorality at play. I need to have some self-dignity, AND give them some respect.
But right now jibunnonakadewa, Shinpaishinaiyo

Now I am very certain

2012-01-30T12:39:00.001+08:00

That everything will be okay.

the little things we were - I was - so concerned about are merely specks of dust amidst the relevant world of stars

Despite being "confident", the anxiety is inevitable.
I think I lied
To them

Lies come in many forms
From my point of view, it was a white lie
But from a practical POV, (still mine), it was a necessary lie

I hate being all cryptic here, but I have no choice

Or maybe, I do. But not taking into account the things I am reluctant to do, I don't

Today I kept seeing people I didn't want to see
But it doesn't matter anymore

2012-01-29T22:41:00.001+08:00

CNY bingeing, fml!
To be honest I had been rather diligent in controlling myself. Until today :O

Yay, work tomorrow.
What can I say? /:

Whoohoooooo I want to go Bangkok :3

2012-01-29T00:05:00.001+08:00

懐かしい!

2012-01-28T17:21:00.001+08:00

:;;8!)

2012-01-27T19:17:00.001+08:00

Time heals everything? Maybe it is incorrect because it is too absolute.
It is correct in the sense that it does heal, but not necessarily everything. Right now, I am in the stage pre-healing so maybe I am being cynical.

And no, *snort*, I am not talking about BGR. O: I seem to be a guy repellent. Or at least, a pineapple repellent..

Today we shifted everything down.
Goodbye level 3 office!! I'll miss you..

I have only been in ST for about a month, and I already feel attached to the place. (Level 3 I mean). I miss being near to the pantry, the toilet.. (haha)

I also miss having to walk to and fro, taking the lift up and down.

All in the name of Passing Time Whilst Not Sitting On My Butt

Come to think of it, sitting on one's butt is quite impossible. Lol! It's like, a contradiction!..

I miss the friendly people along the corridor! Well, some of them are just downright rude. Oh wait... Those came from below. (unknown/known department(s))

Many people of senior positions are so nice. I like the lady opposite! Dont know who she is. Shes always alone in the Int'l Biz office!

But those few (lalalalala)es are so arrogant. Sure, I am merely a temp. As workplace etiquette/decorum goes, they well deserve my respect. But I don't deserve disrespect (or lack of respect for that matter), that's for sure!
Sheesh. Pet peeve pet peeve.

And alsooooooo
I am so disappointed!
Yet strangely elated
And hopeful

2012-01-27T19:01:00.001+08:00

How can it be difficult, if you didn't even try?

2012-01-26T20:38:00.001+08:00

Currently, I love life.
I want to make it even better.
For me, for everyone.

Reductionist but in a good way

2012-01-24T23:27:00.001+08:00

I can't wait, for 8/2/2011 to come
For the one week that ensues, I will be staying at Elizabeth's house!
That means a lot of baking to do :D

And also, it'd mean me having to face a considerably longer work commute

But, whatever. Can't wait for my 3month stint to end/a new job to be undertaken.

I see no point in working there anymore.

Yayimonehappygirlllll
Because today I did 3 of my favorite things! Baking, cycling & STEAMBOAT.
*the latter is to die for*
I ate a hell lot of banana cake today.
Energy for cycling, ok.
:D
Yay. But now I'm at home again.
I hate having to sleep alone in this big scary room!:O wish that Sheryl will SHIFT BACK TO SLEEP WITH ME D:

:3

2012-01-24T23:20:00.001+08:00

All of a sudden it just irks me how the world works in some ways.
This statement is attributed to so many things, ahem.
D:

It's too meaningless for me. I need something that drives/stimulates me.

2012-01-23T10:38:00.001+08:00

today is Chu Yi but its already so (expletive)ed up. It needn't have happened

2012-01-23T10:37:00.001+08:00

I'm human too; can't help but wonder why I have a sister like her. The fact that it bothers me - it shows I'm not loveless, right?

2012-01-23T10:35:00.001+08:00

I am in control.

2012-01-22T13:28:00.001+08:00

I AM ONE EXTREMELY CONFUSED GIRL. /:
how on earth did I even

2012-01-22T12:02:00.002+08:00

collaterised debt obligations?

I feel sad, how can this be?

2012-01-21T22:37:00.001+08:00

I have absolutely no reason at all to feel this sense of -there is no better descriptive word- melancholy

But I do

I can think of a possibility though. But pssschhh NAHTHATSIMPOSSIBLE. Omg contradictory much?

Being in a dilemma- does this indicate indecisiveness? (oops, is there even such a word?)

I'm really open to anything, you know.
That's different from struggling to choose amongst 2 or more paths

Tonikaku!!!! My new favorite word :)

I knew it, I should have listened to my brain. It was telling me to "stay away; steer clear of falling in love"
And I did!!! I didn't want to get too attached so I really did. But 自分の中では、well, no prizes guessing what happened/is happening still.

2012-01-21T22:15:00.001+08:00

(expletive), this is why I am so reluctant to believe in love
恋のは、信じられない。

I learnt many many things today.
90% is very important. Words of wisdom indeed. 知恵の言葉。

I also learnt that some people simply don't understand but try to butt in nonetheless.

/: tonikaku, mum just revealed something very groundbreaking. I'm in shock.

2012-01-20T23:12:00.001+08:00

I love eating dark chocolate.
Doing so, now. Even though it's close to 11pm and it contains many calories. Whatever. :D

Oh and I am very nervous.

You know, I'll just be spending 1 more day in my current office

That means today I blew it again
(e x p l e t i v e e e e )
My pride is really getting in the way

Okay..

2012-01-20T22:46:00.001+08:00

The ahbeng Population has multiplied fivefold

The one residing in the park, that is

Wow

2012-01-18T23:48:00.001+08:00

I want to be just like him in the near future

2012-01-17T18:24:00.001+08:00

Omg what the fuck is wrong with me today
Maybe 2.8 hours of sleep last night did me no good at all

She was so ravishing, and had everything

2012-01-17T01:43:00.001+08:00

Boys like him- they know how to make a girl feel really special, but they do this (consciously or not) to/for all girls, really.
So are we supposed to hate them or love them? :/

Peeking into the lives of the cream of the crop, a sense of inferiority is inevitable, I guess. "we'll never be able to compete"..
1) had to start young, but didn't
2) had to have the resources, but didn't
3) had to have the foresight and wisdom. ditto...

Looking the above 3 lines, I have an urge to factorize out "had to". Lol, ok.

Mysterious person. Is it even pertinent to ask whether people not cut out for each other can live their lives tgt..?

Hmmm. I am 18 and I have not experienced love's heartbreak before. Maybe heartACHE, yes, for pure familial reasons. (lol)

How self-indulgent!!!!

this is one of the days

2012-01-16T22:00:00.003+08:00

what the (expletive)!!!

1) I require the use of a new plaster everyday. fresh paper cut/staple cut each time.
whoo

2) Omg too close for comfort, I GOT A SHOCK. don't know why I apologised when he was supposed to be the one doing it. *grimace*

3) Sigh, my eyeliner today is (Expletive)ed up LOL.

4) (expletive), I ATE A SHITLOAD OF CARBS TODAY. One whole tray of sushi + Porridge + Some MEE POK + LOTS OF DRIED CRANBERRIES=SUGAR + strawberry jam-filled marshmallows + others
for dinner. x:

5) I realise that I am genuinely skinny, but fats accumulated/are still accumulating in one particular place. lol iwishiamaguyplease

6) BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Personality

2012-01-15T16:53:00.001+08:00

1) omg it's so effing humid today!
2) I don't want to try too hard
3) wheeee pineapples ~
4) shit, this enumerating thing again.
5) I think I've found a genuine interest in the field of academia
6) I think I need to bond more with my parents
7) my sister really saddens me; she only looks for me when she needs something that only I can give at that place and time
8) yay awesome weekend with the girls!!! *^_^~*
9) I think it's psychological, but sushi really makes me happy! ~
10) I don't want to have the blur-girl image. What the!! Now we know for sure that it's obvious.(that I am blur) /:
11) I wish I had more stuff to say during HTH girl talks. But my life is too boring to talk about -_-
12) have a (expletive)ing massive headache here since the day I slept for 4hrs (wtf, how can sam survive on so little sleep everyday)
Which means I am gonna toink soon~
13) want to go to USS. Need $$$$
14) HAI
15) in trying to 敷衍 me she ended up making things worse
16) ffuuuu I need to sleep

17) they say there is no such thing as true privacy on the Web and I guess it's true but there is this illusion of privacy that clouds this space and I'll try not to think about the possibility that the people I don't want reading this are actually doing so.
Sigh!!!!!! I want to get into a man's mind and see things from their perspective :l like when they do _ does it mean left or right, that kind of binary opposites thing.

18) listening to annabel complain about aging, I've decided to spend my 18year-old year having fun. :D
In this world, most of the time, having fun requires the usage of resources
Or the acquisition of them
Either way, the process of fun is often negated

Whoa
vicious cycle leh.

Thinking

2012-01-12T22:24:00.001+08:00

I have to pass each day with a goal in mind. But. Where is the motivation.. D: (the goal is the motivation)

Do I even make sense?

Today, I looked forward to meeting Belly after work.

Tomorrow, I look forward to meeting Sokhui&Shuhui after work.

Saturday, I look forward to meeting my girls for Belly's 19th birthday.

Sunday, I will still be with said girls :D

Monday......
Back to work
Oh my god!!!!
Work!! Office!! Desk job!! What am I doing there??????
D: I need something to look forward to.

Something to keep me going.

I know that I'm a very restless person?

A guy in the office asked me what I am doing "after this".
In retrospect, I realised that I literally don't know. Omg. Yes I don't know. I hope I can get into uni. ):

NUS and NTU never contacted me after my scholarship/early admission application. And it's close to mid-Janurary! Guess I'm unwanted. Dan, was banking on prelim results to get me somewhere. I don't have much hope for the 'A's. Seriously.

Anyway I am kind of looking forward to the prospect of a different job at USS with belly!!! Hahaha. At least I can let down my hair there. Not so much decorum to be kept, I suppose. Is that grammatically right? Oh whatever!.!.!

I spent over an hour drawing an 'art piece' which I find so ridiculously crappy and ugly now

):

Lesson learnt, at least! Don't photocopy stuff that's penciled because the shades are bound to be bloody uneven!!!! Unless you have perfect control of course

Bought a dress today

I swear that I hardly wear dresses
And I also swear that I wish I am skinner and shorter
In other words, more petite?
(no need for the word 'more', actually)

So the short version of the long story I am trying to tell is...
THE DRESS IS TIGHT AND SHORT

boohoo.(but guess what, I'm still gonna wear it)

A little bored

2012-01-12T20:29:00.001+08:00

My future spouse has to be one who shares the same ideals as me
Career
Marriage
Family
Why am I thinking about these, at this age! Haha.

annoyingly cheerful c:

2012-01-10T19:53:00.004+08:00

Did you miss me?!:D :D :D

1) Back from Korea:
Photos will be unavailable for now... because they are in the untouchable ~~godly~~ hands of the owner of the camera, who happens to be my brother x:

2) "How was Korea?"
I think the only fun part was that it was a friends-only trip, albeit a group tour.
On hindsight, I seriously think Korea is over h y p e d. And since out of all us who went, I was/am the one least interested/enthusiastic about k-pop/Korean, ... yeah. The shopping was not bad though. Should return during spring/summer/autumn! (anything but winter)

3) "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
I am glad I HAVE FINALLY TURNED 18 because that means I can go clubbing now. :D
That said, I don't mean to spend my youth in clubs of course. Interesting experience..? Hmm it's all a wooz to me now. Can't remember the faces of all those strangers/partial strangers there already. (I can (only) recall what they wore.)

4) Christmas:
oh my god. this year's the first in which we (ie my family and I) didn't put up a tree in the house, didn't hold any celebration/invite guests over... I think I slept 2/3 of the day away. Hah.

5) Oh that reminds me: Work!
Working at the company where my mum works. Hmm I don't know what to say about it. The people are nice, definitely. I think I am quite lucky? But it nags at me because I know I so-called 'landed' this job mainly due to my mum! Didn't go for any interview at all. Hur.
But sometimes I feel like I am wasting my time in that office. Yes, I do earn $ & have the chance to "familiarize myself within an office environment" but the job..is..so..boring(read: repetitive)..and..meaningless!!!!! I want to do something more meaningful.
Doesn't even feel like a job. Nowadays my dad drives me to work in the morning. O-kay.....
[I am CONSTANTLY walking in and out of the office to go to the pantry/toilet/Level 1 etc hahaha. excuse to not get cooped in! I don't want a desk job next time #_#)

6)I MISS ALL OF MY FRIENDS!
Yet I am glad because we still meet each other :D
YAY YAY YAY (I FEEL SO CHILDISHLY CAREFREE HEEZ)

7) Japanese:
What an epic failure, watashi.
I WILL MASTER THE LANGUAGE. I WILL, I WILL!
my Chinese language reading/speaking/writing skills are like, (expletive) lousy.
but I am making the effort to speak more Mandarin in the office!~
and since these two languages are somewhat(!) related, good for me.
HOHO.

8) I miss studying! Yes, I even miss AJC.
went back today to collect a check. Saw Mr Herd and Mr Goh!
and new coats of paint here and there.
hmm.

Seems like I have had too much to say today! So not my usual blogging style hahaha.

The future will hold promise

2011-12-06T18:12:00.002+08:00

I AM AN EATING MONSTER

NICE DAY

2011-12-05T17:09:00.001+08:00

I finally feel comfortable.

Shall eat salmon soon :D

2011-12-02T23:03:00.001+08:00

Yayyyyyyy
Time is my friend now

2011-11-28T20:40:00.001+08:00

i feel infinitely better
with all clutter out of sight

2011-11-28T10:20:00.000+08:00

the first thing im gonna do is to read japanese magazines. :D

life is boring; but i will break free soon

2011-11-27T18:01:00.002+08:00

i realised something!
on twitter, me, annabel and clara have similar names.
claudiaawj
annabelyls
chercyc
on blogger, me, nadhilla and zhiying have similar names too.
10 as
10 as
2 gs
HAHA HOW AWESOME.

i am so (can i use a word of INEFFABLEJOY?) excited!
all's ending tomorrow.

hardly believed A levels ever started.
i'm not so optimistic about results
but i know i did my best
within the time limits, that is.

i could always do better without the pressure of time, i'm sure..

WELL ANYWAY!
didn't realise my days would be so packed?
schedule is so filled, there's no time to go shopping/clubbing.
casually.
yeah. which is good.
all's well~

someone asked me if I am a lesbian, simply because I wasn't interested in getting a boyfriend.
what the -.-

okay man! time to eat my lovingly cooked dinner. :D :D :D

shall BLOG AGAIN AFTER A'S HOPEFULLY WITH MORE INTERESTING STUFF TO READ (And not mindless crap like cryptic one-liners and nonsensical food logs)

2011-11-26T23:06:00.002+08:00

haiz.
what have i done!
all you know how to do is shop =.=

2011-11-26T09:05:00.001+08:00

I really need to wake up now

2011-11-25T16:34:00.001+08:00

For the whole day, my right eye has been made up

Uhhhh HUHH
Time is not passing quickly enough

THREE MORE DAYS TO FULL OUT LIBERATION

Can't wait

2011-11-24T07:56:00.001+08:00

Ability
Motivation
Attitude
:3

2011-11-24T07:40:00.003+08:00

woke up at 6 today, to shop :3
well, WINDOW SHOP?! it's free, but not so satisfying.
a bit wary of online shopping now, but i will take risks
i saw REALLY CUTE BOOTIES!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH
AND THEY ONLY COST LIKE S$30++??

inherent physical flaws that we have come to embrace

2011-11-23T19:16:00.004+08:00

surprised samsu at Singapore Poly today! :D
quite successful ^_____^
chou ureshii desu.

i realise that despite going to countries in winter before
i am not so prepared by myself

sometimes people think i am so hopeless in doing things
they make me seem so dumb and worthless
and i believe them after a while
*emo*

everyone's raving about the movie "you're the apple of my eye"
even though is it supposedly and i quote "not a mainstream movie"
hmm.

i hate it when people discriminate against __ without giving __ a chance
for example, my sister and japanese anything.
for example, people and twilight/harry potter (pick one)
like wtf la lol.
too overrated and/or mainstream for you?

oops so this post has no link at all to its title. heehee.

semi-liberation!

2011-11-22T23:01:00.003+08:00

hahaha i've been quite of a wreck in the kitchen these days
a fallen pot/slow cooker leading to a cracked clay lid
a moment of forgetfulness engendering an hour of gas engulfing the stove and charring bits left in the frying pan
and maybe a moment of pure stupidity in which i boiled milk in the boiler/not-really-kettle-but-a-whiz-one:D which BOILS REALLY QUICKLY hence the burnt bottom ):

confession:
been BROWSING ON G MARKET A LOT.

what was i doing the night before physics p3? gmarket
what was i doing in the MORNING right before physics p3? gmarket

at least i only bought two items x:
feel a little bit guilty using mum's credit card! /:

been looking at scholarship applications too....
have to look through the courses.
because right now i guess i am a little lost.
deadlines deadlines

i shall stop being so food conscious because today i ended up eating a huge dinner D:
boo

btw how ironic indeed
when i need to study
i spend lots of time watching videos

when i am semi-free
i find nothing interesting to do

what a horrid lack of time management

recoiled in horror at the recollection of my econs p2
seriously? i was writing GP style

i really screwed 2 of the essays
that means i am pretty much screwed

ugh

why didnt i write "merit good" or "positive externality"?
do you know what i wrote?
good that increases social welfare

well how APT IS THAT.
to be specific, on hindsight, perhaps the correct but not the best statement would be that the increased supply of the good will reduce the loss of social welfare
LOL. (sonotlaughing)

ARGH I CAN GO ON FOREVER BYE

2011-11-22T10:05:00.001+08:00

What a bitch!
!!

2011-11-21T19:24:00.001+08:00

Hmmmmm
Big headache now ):
Tried to sleep and failed
So I watched videos in bed
Without spectacles
And I couldn't find any nice videos to watch wtf
Anyway my headache worsenedddd

Aiyo this is a shit post full of complaints

And it's just the tip of the iceberg

2011-11-20T18:31:00.001+08:00

Breakfast:
2 half boiled eggs
2 bananas

Snack:
Rocky road (1 pieceeee)
Some cider thing Clara made me drink cos it has health benefits haha
Ginseng tea (a whole bottle of it!)

Lunch:
Masterchef sandwich bahahah consisting of 2 slices focaccia bread toasted with olive oil, Japanese cucumber slices, honey baked ham, cheddar cheese OOHSUPERYUMZ

Snack:
Banana
1 bowl of barley pearls (gonna make me shit)
4 apple pieces

Dinner:
1 bowl brite (brown and white!) rice
1 bowl veggies
1 steamed egg
1 serving fried egg with minced pork and onions

I need these carbs for tomorrow.
After that, I am going strictly on a non-white-rice diet

Notice that I ONLY ATE 1 PIECE OF UNHEALTHY FOOD TODAY >:3

Unless you count fried egg as unhealthy...(mum uses a LOT of oil)

2011-11-19T08:12:00.001+08:00

Everytime I fail
I tell myself keep going
And the end is always motivational

This applies to pretty much every part of life

2011-11-18T17:42:00.001+08:00

Breakfast:
Roasted chicken
Cucumber
Tomato

Snack:
Macadamia nuts
Banana

Lunch:
Chicken steak
Ngorhiang
Soon kueh
Chicken wing
Meatball

Snack: orange

Dinner:
2 plates of pumpkin with shrimp

Actually now it's only tea time!
Good thing mum's coming back late tonight

I want to experience going to bed hungry ^.^

(ytd I tried and failed. Had to wake up to eat bbq chicken wings wtf)

2011-11-18T07:08:00.001+08:00

A bit of horror this morning
Hahaha
I was so cold I took off my shorts and wore the tightest jeans I could find
And the thickest hoodie I had

Then I got distracted by the prospect of winter clothes

And. That's where the horror began D:

Super motivated now lol.
Shall not post anyth.

PATHETIC

2011-11-17T18:09:00.001+08:00

Reasons why I regret eating
1) I wasn't hungry
2) I was studying
3) I couldn't study after that
4) I became hungry
5) I ate more

What I ate today that was justified (genuine hunger)
1) 1 bowl of century egg porridge
2) rice with soup and tofu and (many ingredients)

What I ate today that was grossly extra
1) 4 oily BBQ chicken wings
2) 3 fried otah things
3) 2 squares of brownies
4) 1 plate of fried beehoon
5) 1 bowl of century egg porridge
6) as above
7) as above
8) as above
9) as above
10) deep fried scallop things
11) beef spaghetti

What I snacked on that was reasonably healthy:
1) pear
2) as above
3) pomegranate
4) banana
5) cucumber

Conclusion:
I know this routine all too well
I'm gonna decide to starve myself
And fail miserably
Not even lasting 2 hours
Or 1

2011-11-17T08:37:00.001+08:00

so excited.

Thick skin!!

2011-11-16T19:39:00.001+08:00

I look like a baby HAHAHAHA. Baby hairstyle.
But i look nowhere as cute

I LOVE MY NEW STICKY LABELS!

My sister!!!!!

3 more papers to go!

2011-11-16T11:46:00.001+08:00

On the bus I was envisioning myself
Getting straight Bs
Or possibly a C
and I almost freaked out

I am a product of singapore's failed education system.

We value meritocracy so much that the joys of learning are greatly diminished (where are they indeed)

I know of people who throw away the habit of reading once the GP exam was over

So, what, current knowledge can never be current?

Sadly, that's the mindset that has been instilled in us

Mug mug mug

Trying to rebel I did of course spend lots of time slacking

But it never truly works

"THE EXAM." "A LEVELS."
Incessantly ringing through our heads.

Don't deny? You too!

2011-11-11T13:10:00.001+08:00

My initial always looks like mitral

Well

If I get an A for Math I'll eat my hat x:
If I don't get an A for math I'll totally die. X: that goes for GP too ):
I think I'll end up dying twice

Maa ne

KEEP THE END IN SIGHT

2011-11-10T20:52:00.001+08:00

Feel so stupid

Weights

2011-11-09T14:01:00.001+08:00

GP IS OVER YAY
difficult paper: couldn't do a lot of questions, couldn't complete, those that I thought I did correctly, turned out to be highly irrational. (but somehow under exam condition, I can't distinguish rational thoughts and irrational ones T.T)

Okay. Time to move on!

Math now.

#0

2011-11-08T20:59:00.001+08:00

Eh.... Kinda overate today. But I'm still hungry.

I must tell myself I'm far from inept in memorizing.
The merits of memorization skills!!! 3: sadly I seem be bereft of them.

AQ SINGAPORE CONTEXT

Issues:

Political:
1) recent GE 2011 watershed election 60.1%
2) increasing use of social media. Consumption and engagement. Participation and interaction; observances and lurking around..
3) TI: one of the least corrupt

Breakfast:
2 scrambled eggs
Soft meal bread with ham and cucumber

Sociopolitical:
COL, housing, Ministerial Pay Review Committee, foreigners, widening income divide

Lunch: 2 bowls porridge with fish cake egg ham and 3 bananas. Dark chocolate.

Social:
1) media ethics; advertising, Abercrombie and Fitch billboard; conservative
2) communitarian spirit
3) lack of environmental goodwill (insufficient initiatives!)
4) education system built upon shining beacon of meritocracy-- comparison to western education
5) demographics: declining BR; aging population
6) excellent HC; low UE, minimal poverty(relative), high literacy
7) melting pot of races religions and cultures. Need for ethnic harmony.

Dinner:
Salmon fillets
Brown rice
Chicken steak
Broccoli

Youth and family:
1) consumerism: high end branded (IT and Fashion industry especially)
2) ethical consumerism: body shop, sharks fin

Supper: Pau, avocado half. Dark chocolate. 2 bananas.
Economic:
1) Word Bank: easiest place to do business
2) the economist: best QOL in AP
3) decoupling- not so. Geographical advantage.as transshipment port.
4) prudent govt. savings and taxes.
5) overseas inv and collab: CGNPC China Guandong Nuclear Power Holding Corporation - Integrated Soalr Biomass Power Generation Programme

2011-11-08T19:56:00.001+08:00

It's tiring

2011-11-07T21:22:00.001+08:00

I hate my family
I want to kill myself
I want to chop off my wrist
With the sharpest knife
At the thickest vein

I can't hear what he says
I can't hear a thing
He's speaking rubbish
I want to die
I want to die
Oh my god someone please kill me
I want to die
Quick
Quick
Quick
He can't

2011-11-07T20:44:00.001+08:00

Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs and one bowl of noodles
Snack: bak kut teh soup; lots and lots of barley
Lunch: 2 bowls of dumplings and soup
Snack: 1 square of dark chocolate and barley drink.
Dinner: 1 bowl of herbal jelly, half bowl brown rice, several mini dumplings

Dieting is no use. I need exercise
And right now
I have no time for that

A levels sutatto!

2011-11-07T16:52:00.001+08:00

Haha I must finish reading all of these COMPREHENSIVELY by the end of a levels (progressively that is?)

Irideta

2011-11-07T15:07:00.001+08:00

I'm a petty problematic bitch. FYL.

Mirotic balloons

2011-11-06T23:00:00.001+08:00

I want to foster all of those poor puppies, cute or not! D:

Please wake me up.

2011-11-05T17:24:00.001+08:00

I think there is seriously something wrong with me. I am writing this during a moment of lucidity.
I have been eating so so so many cookies and chocolate these past few days.despite a sore throat. Each time after I do it, I tell myself and my friends:"no more after today!! Seriously!! Can't afford to fall ill during this period" -as if telling others would be a firmer affirmation- but the next day, I'll eat again.
And the paradox lies in how, before eating, I'll recollect the past days' horrible binge episodes and vouch how I'll balance it out by cutting back. Then straight after that, I will think"oh wtf. Might as well continue right?! The damage's done." so eat again I will.
I think I've told annabel and clara I'll never eat cookies again until end of a levels countless time.
My purpose of telling them is not to inform, but to somehow hammer home the reality into this distorted mind of mine.):
By telling others I hope to legitimize my (mis)actions and prevent future occurrences
But oh of course
These always backfire

Now I am so pissed at myself.
I stuffed myself with a 10cm diameter oatmeal cookie (extremely little by my binge standards) then had a very sore feeling in my throat. So I went home and ate 1) cucumber 2) vegetables 3) pickles
Yes all the bloody plants
And straight after I ate countless (I seriously Lost count) digestive cookies.
So I was like SUPER FULL? And I still ate one egg tart. AND THAT'S NOT ALL. I have baked chocolate brownies so I expect to be eating them soon. OH MY FLOOPYPOO):

My sis says I should exercise cos I have "grubby fat at the back of (my) thighs" and

She's true and honest for once

And I hate how people say I'm so skinny i'm so skinny but they don't see the problem that I face: I am not fat, but I am seriously flabby. And I hate it.

I hate not being able to fit into clothes I could wear months ago

I hate not being able to buy whatever clothes I want now

I hate running in the park after my dog in shorts now

I hate sitting down

I hate crossing my legs

I am so full of low self esteem shit I know but I JUST CAN'T STAND IT

If I were to judge myself I'd seriously roll my eyes and go "hello? Those aren't important. Stop being delusional!!!"

But I am not delusional!!!!!

I hate physical flaws.

It's like NOTHING IS RIGHT FOR ME.

Maybe im so called "tall" but that's all isn't it.

Why is being tall good anyway? I wanna be petite so that I can wear maple clothes T.T

Anyway I hope I don't fall sick! A leveled a levels a levels

The sunlight now in my hall is so awesome but I'm not studying ):

2011-11-04T21:40:00.001+08:00

Damn it. I just can't control myself

I wanted to deprive myself entertainment and leisure so that success will be sweeter

But excuses always reign supremw

2011-11-04T21:34:00.001+08:00

Feel so ducked up.

Ugh what a horrible autocorrect.

2011-11-03T20:50:00.002+08:00

omg
massive headache today
when i was walking home i felt extremely faint.
one word: WOOZY.
its like the kind of trembly feeling that restricts me from even taking out my phone to call someone.
clara said i looked quite pale when i left o:
which is funny because
i know i am okay(i am lying to myself?)

i know i am alright.

slept a little, chilled like a ice cube a little ^_^
showered.
feeling fresh and clean and carefree now

but this kuro kuraodu is still enveloping my mind

how can a headache be tangible?
well it is!!!!!

#10

2011-11-03T19:07:00.001+08:00

B: fried beancurd cucumber tomato
L: large noodles
S: kinder Beuno mango
D: 7 digestive cookies milk dumplings and soup and fish strawberry yogurt cucumber

Omg why did I eat SOMANY cookies ):

Normally I'd eat more though

So I guess it's an improvement..?

2011-11-03T00:19:00.001+08:00

Supper last night:
3 - yes 3 - servings of noodles with mushroom XO; half a packet of timtammmm):

Breakfast: cucumbers tomatoes and ham strips ginseng tea

Lunch: sweet potato kinder beuno marie biscuit and cheese twist

Dinner: TERIYAKI CHICKEN CHOP and BUCKWHEAT NOODLES (2 plates) and cucumbers and carrots and chicken soup

I'm not the only one who has noticed how my day is pear shaped in terms of meal sizes hah.

#9

2011-11-01T21:59:00.001+08:00

Oops I think I missed a day
All I know is last night I ate half a packet of TIMTAMS.
But my memory is failing me
At this age
At this time

Breakfast: salad consisting of Hard boiled egg white and half an egg yolk, strips of honey glazed ham and some cucumbers and tomatoes

Lunch: giant pear and a few cucumbers and some almonds and several blueberries (ok. Realised I didn't have a proper lunch.-.-)

Tea: 3 blocks of dark chocolate

Dinner: Lemon drink and XO MUSHROOM SAUCE KOREAN NOODLES OH DAMN YUMZ and some veggies

Yay. I am so happy that sadness made me lose appetite FOR ONCE.

Childish, but relevant

2011-10-31T23:51:00.001+08:00

I won't surprised to see my academic results plummet.
Time is a scarcity now, yet I have more jobs than anyone else to complete.
Non-academic ones that is...

I seriously hate this

2011-10-31T21:24:00.001+08:00

Uh huh! -.-

Anyway I ate so fucking much today I don't wanna record it.

#8

2011-10-30T20:32:00.001+08:00

Breakfast: ramen and fried spring onion egg and seaweed
Lunch: 1 large milk tea from mosburger, several pieces of sushi, 2 curry puffzzxxc, giant pear
Tea: a chunk of honey baked ham and 1 avocado, lemon water, almonds
Dinner: 1 fried beancurd and 1 bowl of steamed pumpkin with dried shrimp, some dubious Chinese drink.

Not bad huh, today!!! :3
Lunch was totally anti-abstemious though!!! I wonder how i'll end up if I continue this protein- and fibre-heavy diet lol! Muscle? Unlikely.

I had horrible gastric today though.): not because of my diet (I hope) but because of the fan blowing at my stomach. I HAD THE D AFTERWARD.

UPDATE: FRIED BEE HOON FOR SUPPERRRRR): and roasted duck and 3 fried fish balls z EEK.

On a brighter note!

2011-10-29T22:58:00.001+08:00

B1A4!!!!!
I love Jinyoung and Baro they're so adorable!!!!!!!! :3:3:::3:3:3 *weegle*

Omg that word weegle looks REPULSIVE DOESN'T IT.

I have a list of things I want from Japan ^.^

#7

2011-10-29T22:42:00.001+08:00

Breakfast: 2 slices of white bread with jam and butter, 2 FRIED EGGS WITH TOMATO AND CRABSTICK (weird combination: dont)

Lunch: minced meat patty, 7 small dumplings in soup and 1 bowl of steamed pumpkin

Snack: almonds, half a tomato, small mouthful of beehoon, white milk

Tea: 6 large strips of fatty salmon belly

Dinner: 2 fried beancurds with cucumber (not the other way round, sadlyyyy), half an avocado.

I actually seem to be getting used to
this anti-carb thing minus bread for breakfast!

Diary of Maniac

2011-10-29T00:38:00.001+08:00

BOOHOOOOOOO I JUST ATE ONE WHOLE FRIGGING PACKET OF CHOCOLATE TIMTAMS ):

Ate it the "slam" way...
Which was pretty awesome btw
BUT STILL

Negative me: you Pabo, you just undid 6 days of attempted diet

Positive me: hey but if you didn't attempt the diet you could have gained more weight!!!

Rational me: BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THE DIET!!!!!

But I can't help it!!!' I feel SO ENERVATED WITHOUT MY CARBS.

By the way

2011-10-28T22:39:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling really lethargic
Even though I've been drinking the revered chicken essence whatever shit
Must be the lack of sleep
And
The irregular diet
And the erratic _
X:

And also!!!!! I just ate half a tomato.
Am so glad that I managed to pick veggies over chocolate-score!
SO had to blog this. :p

#6

2011-10-28T22:37:00.001+08:00

Meh!
Black cloud is with me again, these days.
How to study like that?!
Haven't touched math for quite awhile and when finally did so today, was quite flabbergasted at the amount of things i'd totally forgotten):):

Simple things like distance between a plane.... Meccha buranku.

Fooooood
Breakfast: half an avocado, one ikea sausage and two slices of white bread, chicken essence, chrysanthemum tea

Lunch: 2 pc Popeyes chicken, 1 mash potato, 1 buttermilk biscuit with jam, figsraisinsnuts, 1 Ikea sausage

Dinner: half an avocado, half a tomato, chicken soup, chicken, fried egg, vegetables, fishcake.

Now: contemplating whether I should indulge in ice cream):::::

Being skinny feels good
I want to feel good ONCE MORE.
Those of you who are skinny: please treasure it.

#5

2011-10-27T15:11:00.001+08:00

I made mini potato salmon croquette today! Very time consuming. I was running away from studying.
A bit burnt! But cute, nevertheless ;D
But sigh oh sigh. I always cook ebi tempura and croquette - deep fried enemies.

Breakfast:
Chicken essence
Soup with carrot chicken tofu and meatballs and rice
Chrysanthemum tea

Lunch:
More soup!!!
More soup!!!
More soup!!!
Strawbie Yogurt with almonds

Tea:
3 mini croquettes
More soup!!!
Pear

What a boring menu

#4?

2011-10-27T00:24:00.001+08:00

I guess prelims is gonna repeat - cause i'm back to watching loads of YouTube videos and trying to convince myself that they are stress relievers (but in reality. They are headache-inducers or aggravators. I have no idea if there is such a word.)

NO CLAU. IT WON'T REPEAT.
Must not fall back into that slope towards helplessness and utter lack of self control...

TIME TO REPORT ON FOOD INTAKE
(since I'm blogging at night, it means the day before the day you're reading this!)

Breakfast: as mentioned, the fried charleayteowandbeehoon plus friedegg and vegetarian charsiew and 4 slices of bread with butter than jam
Chicken essence!

Lunch: I can't rmb.. Oh, a small pinch of fish (lol!) and a few spoons of vegetables and an avocado? Oops memory failure.. A plum. And lemon juice. And uhm.. Oh gosh I can't rmb!!!); 1 banana.

Dinner: 3 deep fried chicken wings, 1 meat patty (YUMZ), several spoons of vegetables, 1 avocado, handful of almond nuts. 1 Pear.

Supper: strawberry yogurt and almonds. 2 bananas.

Again, it's like two extremes. So much unhealthy food mixed with healthy food haha.